I attract them. Everyone on board a plane can be sitting straight up except for one. That one will be the schmuck in front of me, treating the seat (hint: the related verb is “to sit”, not “to lie”) like a beach recliner on the French riviera, pretending not to notice me while edging closer to my navel.
Today’s adventure was a narrowly averted retaliation. Visions of a casually spilled drink danced in my head, but I restrained myself and didn’t act out my evil fantasy.
One day my self-control will be exhausted. One day I will make sure my airspace remains a no-fly zone. One day I will reclaim my lap.
Mwah ha ha.